What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i already hear my dad disowning me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I love you.
Bad choice
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
