Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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