Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
