I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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