fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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