I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
