Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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