I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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