After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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