What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
