Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
