hell yes lets make some ravioli
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
