Soap is not a condiment
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
