i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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