Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
