she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
