Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
