dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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