i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
