I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
