Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
