Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
