my mouth tastes like poor choices
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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