I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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