Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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