How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
