She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
