It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
