The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
