What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
