And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
