Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
