Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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