she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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