capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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