I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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