Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
