halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
