Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
