im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
