your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
