"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
