I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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