In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
