So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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