if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
