He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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