I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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