just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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