i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
